The Blessings of Family History

Last week we were joined by two new sisters to the ward. Sister Regina Pangerl has moved back into their home near Alicia Call Peterson after being in the Apache Park ward for several years. Sister Cherie Hammond Bruggeman is in the process of moving to Arizona with her family from Idaho. She is Brother Brad Hammond's sister and they are currently staying with them until they find a home. We are excited to have both of these families join us. Sister Amber Esplin from Texas was visiting today and is a potential new ward family member since they put an offer on a home in our ward boundaries. Fingers crossed it works out for them. I noticed Leslie Winward Wright's mom was also visiting with us today but they are returning home tomorrow.

Sister Rachel Terry Thomas showed today that she is equally talented at leading a discussion as she is at leading our ward choir. Through her guidance we had a wonderful lesson on the blessings of family history. Elder Renlund's talk "Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing" was the backdrop for our discussion. 

I love the quote Rachel referred to multiple times throughout the lesson: "When God directs us to do one thing, He often has many purposes in mind." Family history is one of those directives with many purposes. Not only does family history and temple work redeem the dead but they can also result in many "healing" blessings for the living.

Rachel posted the eleven blessings identified in Elder Renlund's talk and asked us to be thinking of family history experiences we have had that we could share. I encourage you to review these promised blessings as they aren't always blessings we associate with family history and temple work. 

The last blessing identified: "increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole", was beautifully illustrated by the story of two brothers Orson and Parley Pratt. The Pratt brothers were early converts to the church and were both Apostles. A public heated exchange led to a seven year rift between the two brothers. It was only after learning about a publication of their earliest American ancestor, William Pratt, that a desire to mend this rift took place. "Orson began to weep like a little child as he glimpsed this treasure trove of family history. His heart melted, and he determined to repair the breach with his brother."

Our sisters identified several other blessings they have personally witnessed through family history/temple efforts. 

Kristen Winter's father has recently obtained the patriarchal blessings of several deceased relatives and this has been so inspirational for their family. Becky King's mother started collecting family stories as Becky prepared to leave home. As Becky read these stories she realized she had a strong heritage of faith and it motivated her with the desire to not mess up that heritage and to bring honor to her family name.  Mary Callshared how her husband would share "Ancestral Vignettes" with their missionary sons and now her grandsons (the Peterson twins) are enjoying the same opportunity. These vignettes were just one story at a time (which I highly recommend since sending too much at once is too overwhelming and they won't read it!). Summer Heid got excited about family history work after they ordered a DNA kit for her grandma. Grandma had always claimed they had an "Indian princess" in their family and they were excited to see where they came from. 

Rachel referred to information she found on lds.org through the Family History page including an article in the March 2013 New York Times entitled "The Stories That Bind Us". The findings stated that "the more children knew about their family history, the better they were able to handle stressful situations. The reasons were that the children realized they were a part of something bigger than themselves, they understood their family overcame many ups and downs, and they believed they could overcome difficulties too." In this article, a scale of 20 questions, was referred to that the researchers used in their research. I found this interesting so found a little more information. 

“[These] 20 Questions” tap into different kinds of family stories. These questions are designed as a starting point for sharing family stories. Please keep in mind that it is not knowledge of these specific facts that is important – it is the process of families sharing stories about their lives that is important. So these questions are a way to begin to ask and to tell, and to begin a family tradition of sharing the stories of our lives." (The 20 questions are listed at the end of this post)

Sister Linda Mariner volunteers for a hospice (an opportunity she found through justserve.org) and her specialty is collecting and recording family histories of those who are soon to pass on. She types up these histories which are usually between 11-12 pages to share with the family members along with a recording of the interview. She has found that the one thing that all of them have in common is the importance of family. She doesn't always ask all the questions but she uses the same questions each time to generate conversation. She shared those questions with me to pass along. These may help us start a conversation with our own parents or grandparents. (These 25 questions are also listed at the end of this post.)

Mary Call echoes the importance of recording the voices of our loved ones along with the written narrative.  Alicia Call Peterson and Diane Doyle Broderick identified ways we can incorporate audio clips into family history books and on family search.  Vicki Ashton encouraged us to record our voices now instead of waiting for our twilight years! Trina Murphy and I have witnessed how much the voices of our children change over the years as well. 

Memories and photos along with the voice recordings can also be uploaded on family search to be shared with everyone.  Diane Doyle Broderick has been the recipient of family pictures through such sharing and because she had posted information when a person not even related to her found the mission journal of her great-grandpa in a used bookstore he knew who to pass it on to! 

Sometimes we feel like we and our children can only benefit from sharing positive stories but there can also be great value to learning what not to do.

Vicki Ashton's mom was very open about her family history and it greatly influenced Vicki's decisions and what she wouldn't do.  Jen Sharp's family tree has a lot of alcoholics. Knowing this and seeing the results of this behavior along with her own personality has influenced Jen to stay far away from alcohol. 

Proverbs 4:7 is one of my favorite scriptures. "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding." To me as we learn about our ancestors we gain a deeper understanding of who they were and why they did what they did or said what they said. Often with increased understanding comes the realization that more often than not our parents and grandparents did the very best they could. This helps soften hearts, and blame to be replaced with forgiveness and the blessing of "healing" to take place.

If you're looking for some fun ways to help your children learn about their ancestors, Rachel told us about an interactive family history site her husband discovered. Go to https://fhtl.byu.edu/ (The BYU Family History Technology Lab) and scroll down to the "play" section. After you enter your Family Search login, a game will be generated using your own family tree information! Technology can discourage communication between family members but here are some wonderful ways we can use technology as a tool to foster meaningful communication that will help our children "discover, gather and connect" to their family. 

I came away so inspired by everyone's examples. We, like probably many of you, have healing to do within our own extended family but if learning about our ancestors can mend hearts, maybe learning about our family can also help prevent broken hearts. 

President Russell M. Nelson, however, cautioned: “We can be inspired all day long about temple and family history experiences others have had. But we must do something to actually experience the joy ourselves.” He continued, “I invite you to prayerfully consider what kind of sacrifice—preferably a sacrifice of time—you can make [to] do more temple and family history work.”17 

The blessings identified today are worth the sacrifice!

"The 20 questions" from "The Stories that Bind Us"

1. Do you know how your parents met?
2. Do you know where your mother grew up?
3. Do you know where your father grew up?
4. Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up?
5. Do you know where some of your grandparents met?
6. Do you know where your parents were married?
7. Do you know what went on when you were being born?
8. Do you know the source of your name?
9. Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born?
10. Do you know which person in your family you look most like?
11. Do you know which person in the family you act most like?
12. Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?
13. Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?
14. Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?
15. Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc.)?
16. Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?
17. Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young?
18. Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to?
19. Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to?
20. Do you know about a relative whose face “froze” in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?

Sister Linda Mariner's "Your Story" Questions (title and last question added by editor:)

1. When and where were you born?
2. Who are your parents?
3. Tell me a little about your parents. Do you know how they met, when and where they were married?
4. Do you have any siblings and where do you fit in the birth order in your family?
5. Think back to your earliest childhood memory. Share along with the best guess of your age at the time of the event.
6. Describe another childhood memory that stands out in your mind as especially important or significant. It may be a positive or negative memory. What impact has the event had on you? Why is it important?
7. Describe a specific event from your teen-aged years that stands out as being especially important or significant.
8. Describe a specific event from your adult years (21 years plus) that stands out as being especially important or significant.
9. What was your first job? Did it lead you into your future career?
10. What was your favorite job?
11. Tell me about your family. Did you marry? Who, where and when? How did you meet? How many children?
12. Was being a father/mother difficult or easy for you?
13. Please describe the single greatest challenge that you have faced in your life. How have you faced, handled, or dealt with this challenge? How has this challenge had an impact on your life?
14. Looking back over your life story, please identify and describe the single person, group of persons or organization/institution that has or have had the greatest position influence on your story.
15. Looking back over your life story, please identify the single person, group of persons, or organization/institution that has or have had the greatest negative influence on your story.
16. How do you think your friends and colleagues would describe you?
17. How do you think your family members would describe you?
18. What can you tell me that would help me understand your most fundamental beliefs and values and your philosophy of life?
19. Try to finish this sentence: The driving force in my life has been my need to....
20. The first evidence of this need can be traced back to when I decided to:
21. My first attempt to achieve this goal resulted in:
22. That caused me to:
23. What do you see as your greatest accomplishments in life so far?
24. What do you think is the key to happiness?
25. What words of advice or counsel would you like to leave for your posterity?